The twins are 2 weeks old. This past 2 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster with extreme highs and devastating lows.
When we were bringing the twins home from the hospital, I told Josh how it seems crazy that to everyone else it is just another day. To us we were bringing home two new Little ones and it seemed that everyone should know this was a special day. They should all slow down and drive more careful. But to everyone else this was just another day. Life goes on around you and sometimes without you.

We will start at the beginning of our past 2 weeks.
April 7, 2009
We checked into the hospital at 7:15 am, not knowing how long this would take, since I had never been induced before. They took some blood for some lab work and started the IV and started the pitocin, which started contractions right away. A few hours later the nurse checked me and I was still at a 1. The contractions had stated to be a little painful. An hour after that Dr. Fowers partner came in to check me, still at a 1. She broke my water. I went to a 2! Still not much activity for 3 hours. They kept turning up the pitocin. A little while later the contractions got really intense and I was sure I had progressed. Now at a 3. I was not to happy to be progressing so slow and to have the contractions causing pain already. The nurse suggested that I get the epidural and maybe when I relaxed it would help his head fall more into the birth canal and I would progress more. I got the epidural. The anaesthesiologist came in, really nice guy, and they said he was the best, but I just wanted to tell him to shut up and do his job. It took forever. It is so hard to hold still rolled up in a ball, as best as you can and having painful contractions. He just wanted to know everything about us and tell us stories.
That worked and I went to a 5, but stayed there for another hour. Dr. Fowers came in and checked me and said I was at an 8 and let's go back to the OR. I was excited and scared at the same time. It felt like my epidural was wearing off I could move my feet again and I was feeling a little pain. The nurses got Josh and Jordan ready , by giving them scrubs, booties, and hair nets. They wheeled me into the OR and put me on a new bed. I got strapped into knee length stir-up boots. At that point they asked if some medical students could could observe by that time there was 2 nurses for each baby, the pediatrician, the anaesthesiologist, my doctor, 2 nurses for me, josh and Jordan in the room. So why not, right? The more the merrier. Once things got started I didn't even notice all the people. I pushed through 3 contractions and AJ was born at 4:45 pm. He came out crying at first and then stopped and looked around. They weighed and cleaned him and gave him to Jordan. She was the first to hold him. He weighed 6 lbs 6 oz. Measured 18 1/2 inches long. They brought him to me and I got to hold him for a minute. Both Jordan and I said he looked like his Grandpa Andy. Meanwhile, my Dr. broke my other bag of water. (didn't realize I had one for each baby) He tried to turn Addison. She didn't want to turn. He reached inside and tried to grab her feet and deliver her breech. Couldn't find her feet. They went to get the U/S machine and while they did that she turned and was head down. She had her arm up by her head though. My Dr. reached in and pinched her hand and she moved it and 14 minutes after AJ and after pushing through one contraction, Addison was born at 4:54 pm. She didn't cry. She did a little wine and then didn't cry until the nurses made her cry. She weighed 5 lbs 13 oz. She looked smaller than him. She looked completely different just like Kylee. She had a lot more hair. They were both healthy and stayed in the room with me. AJ had low blood sugar and we gave him some bottles with formula to bring that up. I did good with the babies until the last night. I was so exhausted at 3 am they both ate and started crying. So I did something I have never done before, I sent them to the nursery for 3 hours and got 3 hours of sleep. I was very glad I did. Addison was small enough that they had to do a car seat check on her. They strapped her into her car seat and hooked her up to monitors for an hour and a half. She passed, so we got to take them home with us on Thursday the 9th. My mom had taken the girls down to her house. Josh and I got to have 3 days alone with them. Those days started with driving back to the hospital on Friday for a bellirubin test. They tested poistve for Jaundice. IHC home healthcare brought us out photo therapy beds. While the guy explained how to use them and that the Dr wanted them on them at all times they were not being fed or changed. Sure no problem! I don't think that man has ever had to keep a baby on one of those beds. They had to be naked and strapped into a little sleeping bag thing. It was torture and they hated it. We eventually put blankets on them, also. It was a very long night. They looked like little alien ships. Back the next morning for another Bellirubin test. Where they take blood from their little heels. We had gotten about an hour of sleep and not in a row and AJ's little foot didn't want to bleed well. I lost it and just bawled with him and all the way home from the hospital. So hoping that we were done with those beds. No such luck they had to go back on them. We weren't as good about getting them on but we did. Finally on Monday we got the OK and got rid of those beds. I was thrilled thinking that was the worst thing we could have been through. I was wrong!

Tuesday morning we got a phone call saying my 3 month old Nephew Carter had aspirated on some formula and stopped breathing and was Life Flighted to Primary's. He was put on Life support and put in a coma to keep him still. Of coarse our prayers started right away, but I never thought he would pass away. We talked about him maybe having some brain damage. We got the call on Tuesday evening that his organs had failed and were continuing to fail and there was no brain activity. His mom and dad had decided to take him off life support. They wanted family to be there. Josh had called me to tell me. It was a shock to me, I always thought he would end up fine. I hung up and bawled, I couldn't even tell my mom what was wrong, although she guessed and cried with me. My heart just broke for Sarah, his mom. Josh came home and told the girls. He left to get his 2 brothers that live up here and they went down to the hospital to be there when Carter passed away.
Carter passed away that evening in his loving mom's arms. The next day Jordan asked how Baby Carter was doing and I realized we had not explained things well and had to talk to them again to make them understand that he had passed on. His funeral was on Sat. and I tried to think of ways to go. If we could just get down there I could leave the twins with my mom and attend the burial or just the funeral. We were told not to leave the twins in their car seats for more than 20 minutes. It has been hard to not be there for Sarah and JJ. I think of the littlest things and just break down. I only got to see him twice, but he had the cutest smile and he was a little grunter, just like my AJ. I was so excited that my son would have a cousin so close to his age. They were suppose to be "Best Cousins" as Cass would say. It makes no sense at all to me. I hurt and am heartbroken as a mom and can not imagine what Sarah and JJ are going through. I have been worried about a lot more things with the twins. I am tryng to tell myself not to be. On the other hand, I am counting photo therapy beds, reflux, screaming at night, and all night feedings as blessings. Right now it is the only thing I can do, but I am trying to honor Carter by being a more patient, loving mom. Our prayers go out to his family constantly. We will always love and remember Baby Carter.

Carter John Gardner

Carter John Gardner Our Angel Carter John Gardner, three months and 15 days, passed away on April 14th, 2009 in Salt Lake City, UT.He was born on December 30th, 2008 in Murray, UT to James and Sarah Gardner. Carter has touched so many lives in so little time. He loved to smile and his parents were blessed to have him in their lives. He is our Angel Baby and we will never forget him. He is survived by loving parents James and Sarah Gardner, big brother Hayden Gardner, grandparents John and Julie Gardner and Jim and Rosemary Hanks. Also many great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends. He was loved by so many. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, April 18th, 2009 at 2:00 p.m., Lake Hills Mortuary, 10055 S. State in Sandy. In lieu of flowers the family has set up a memorial account in his name at America First Credit Union.