No Training wheels

We thought it would take Cassady forever to learn to ride her bike without training wheels. She wouldn't practice. She was too scared. The one time I went out with her, I was running beside her and she slammed on the brakes and turned right into me. She went down and I went over the top of her. I hadn't planned on getting all bruised up. The other day Josh took off the training wheels of the little bike and she got on and rode around with no problems. She just had a hard time getting on and off the bigger bike. She is a pro now. Have I mentioned she is getting too big?

I have a graduate!

Cassady and Kaylee with their graduation certificates and cute hats they made.

Cassady and Mrs. Emily

All the preschool kids

Cassady graduated from preschool. I am so sad, she will not get to see her teacher, Miss Emily again. She is moving to Arizona. When I signed her up for preschool, it was only to give her something to do. I was just pregnant with the twins and so sick and I wanted to get her out having some fun. I didn't really care if she learned anything. I got a flyer on my door and signed her up. Kaylee went too and Jodi and I car pooled. It worked out so well. I was so impressed with Miss Emily! She was an awesome teacher and Cassady learned so much. I could not have found a better preschool.

We took this picture and framed it for Mrs. Emily to say thanks for all she did.

Cassady's Dance Recital

Cassady's end of year dance recital was yesterday. She did so good! It is so cute to see her dancing around in her little princess costume. She is such a good little dancer and if you watch she always tells the others what to do. We all went to the recital. Josh took Cass to get there on time. The rest of us were late. Babies had to eat. We just missed her first dance. Thank goodness, she had another dance later in the show. We also went to dinner at Chili's afterwards. The babies were so good. AJ didn't like the loud music, but once I took him out of his car seat and held his ears he was fine. He slept at the restaurant. Addie slept through the recital and woke up and had a bottle at the restaurant. Josh and I just past her back and forth taking turns cutting our food. We can do normal things!

Growing!

Leave me alone I'm growing!

So Big!

We took AJ back to the Dr yesterday. His diaper rash was so bad it was bleeding. We got another ointment. It is working!!!!! His little bum is looking so much better and this one was over the counter and only cost $7. So we spent $50 on creams that didn't work and the $7 one did.
AJ now weighs 8lbs 3oz and Addison wieghs 8lbs 2oz with Jammies and a onesie on. I pulled her out of her car seat this time, but left her clothes on. They are now as big as my other kids at birth.
Way to grow, babies!!!!

You can always find someone who has it worse than you

Whoever thought a trip to Sam's would help save mom's sanity

Yesterday was a hard day for me. We decided to go to Sam's to get some food for Mother's day and I just needed to leave the house. Hoping to find something yummy that I could actually eat. (I am not eating milk, dairy, or soy hoping to help AJ) I met this girl there that had her 4 kids with her. She had twins. I asked her if it got easier. (Her twins looked about 2). She told me it did and just to hang in there. Then she told me her story. Her son was 8 months old when they adopted their twin girls (who were adorable). They we born at 32 weeks and spent 6 weeks in the NICU. Two weeks after they were born she found out she was pregnant. She has 4 kids within 18 months. Next time I think it is hard and just want to sit down and cry with the babies, I'll think of her and if she can do it, so can I!!! She promised me I would someday actually sleep again, which helps out everything. Thanks so much to the Sam's club girl!

Happy 1 Month to the Twins!!!!

May 7th, 2009

One month old

The twins are one month old today! It has gone by so fast, it is just a big blur. They are growing and getting big. They are awake a little more and will look at you when you talk to them. They make the cutest faces and we all love it when you get a little smile.
Addison has reflux. We all feel sorry for her when she screams and we can see that it just hurts her. Or when she spits up and it comes out of her nose. She is on Zantac and we are hoping that it will work better soon. She is fitting into her newborn jammies. We think her hair grew. It is fuzzy on top now. She is enjoying her baths and her showers with dad. She sleeps well in her bouncer or the swing. They both help her stay more upright, which helps with the reflux.
AJ is mostly a happy, mellow little guy. He likes to lay on the kitchen table and look out the window. He really likes to be talked to. He gets really mad when he gets hungry and you are not fast enough getting his bottle. He will nurse, unlike Addie who will not, but he takes over an hour at each feeding. So I nurse him at night or when there is someone else here. We laugh at him when he sucks on a binkie, because he doesn't suck he chews on it and grunts and groans. He is a big grunter. He doesn't burp well, but man can he toot. We tell him he farts like an old man. He has some issues with baby zits, a nasty diaper rash, and has thrown up the soy formula we have tried. I am afraid he has allergies. I have taken myself off of milk and dairy products and soy to try and help him.
They are so cute!!!! We love them so much!!! I love to just put them on my chest and snuggle them. I could hold them like that all day.
My mom has come up and helped for at least 2 days every week. She has been such a huge help I don't know how I would have done it without her. I get a nap everyday she is here. We have also had someone from my ward come and help out everyday my mom is not here for 2 hours. We have had so many dinners brought in. We live in the best ward and have the greatest friends!!!!!
Everyone keeps telling me that he looks like Cass and I just didn't see it until I saw this picture, but he still looks a lot like My dad and Trevor.

Napping on the couch.

Getting good at two!
Her coming home from the hospital outfit finally fits.

First Outing!!!!

Yesterday AJ looked a lot more yellow to me. We called the Dr. and took him in. We wanted to talk to him about other things that are making me worry about him. We decided that we would leave early right after both babies ate and go to Wal-Mart.
We ventured out for the first time. The babies fit better in their car seats. Both fell asleep pretty fast in the car. We picked the rainiest day so far this year to go out. I had just bought some bundle-me's so they stayed dry. With 2 carts, we made it through Saturday Wal-Mart traffic with both still asleep. We hit Shopko real quick and then to the Dr.
They tested AJ's Bellirubin, by taking more blood. I was just being paranoid, turned out it was low. (Sorry Bud!) We got a prescription for a cream for the diaper rash he has and we feel better about trying some formula's and using the gripe water. At that point the babies were hungry. We sat in the waiting room of radiology, why radiology. Because Hannah Montana was on that TV, and Cassie sat and watched that while we fed babies. After that we went to Sam's club and once again they slept. We survived our first outing. I feel much better about taking them out, not alone, but with help.
AJ weighed 7 lbs and 7 oz. Growing big!!!! I wanted to weigh Addison, but she was asleep and it was time to eat so I didn't want to pull her out of her seat.
We are doing good and adjusting to 2 babies. I have the best ward and neighbors who are helping out so much. My mom has spent so much time with us. Thanks grandma!!! Josh wants her to just move in. I don't know what we would do without all this help! You are all the best and we love you!!!!

Twins are due today!!!!

Eyes on both! Hard to catch!

AJ makes the greatest faces!

So Cute!!!!!

It seems like we have had them forever, but their original due date is today! They are 19 days old. They think they need to eat all the time!!! If they are awake they want to eat. Addison is taking bottles with pumped breast milk. She will still not nurse. AJ actually started nursing the other day, but only on one side. He will not nurse on the other side. Is that crazy? It makes it a little easier at night for me. Although I still have to pump on the one side for Addie. We love to just hold them and watch them. They smile quite a bit while they are asleep and after feedings will lay there and watch you while you talk to them.
We went in for there 2 week appointment the other day. Addison weighed 6lbs and 6 oz's. That is up a pound since we left the hospital. AJ weighed 6 lbs and 11 oz's. That is up 6 oz's from birth weight. We don't remember them telling us what he weighed when he left the hospital. They are growing really well. They do have a little reflux and are on prevacid. It is actually a dissolving pill that we break up into pieces and put in their cheeks and they tongue it until it dissolves. Josh would disagree with me, but I think they are doing well at night. The schedule goes out the window at 2am. Then when they wake up at different times it seems like they wake up more.
The girls love them. Still can't get Kylee to change a diaper. They like to hold and cuddle them. So do I!!!!

The twins are 2 weeks old. This past 2 weeks has been an emotional roller coaster with extreme highs and devastating lows.
When we were bringing the twins home from the hospital, I told Josh how it seems crazy that to everyone else it is just another day. To us we were bringing home two new Little ones and it seemed that everyone should know this was a special day. They should all slow down and drive more careful. But to everyone else this was just another day. Life goes on around you and sometimes without you.

We will start at the beginning of our past 2 weeks.
April 7, 2009
We checked into the hospital at 7:15 am, not knowing how long this would take, since I had never been induced before. They took some blood for some lab work and started the IV and started the pitocin, which started contractions right away. A few hours later the nurse checked me and I was still at a 1. The contractions had stated to be a little painful. An hour after that Dr. Fowers partner came in to check me, still at a 1. She broke my water. I went to a 2! Still not much activity for 3 hours. They kept turning up the pitocin. A little while later the contractions got really intense and I was sure I had progressed. Now at a 3. I was not to happy to be progressing so slow and to have the contractions causing pain already. The nurse suggested that I get the epidural and maybe when I relaxed it would help his head fall more into the birth canal and I would progress more. I got the epidural. The anaesthesiologist came in, really nice guy, and they said he was the best, but I just wanted to tell him to shut up and do his job. It took forever. It is so hard to hold still rolled up in a ball, as best as you can and having painful contractions. He just wanted to know everything about us and tell us stories.
That worked and I went to a 5, but stayed there for another hour. Dr. Fowers came in and checked me and said I was at an 8 and let's go back to the OR. I was excited and scared at the same time. It felt like my epidural was wearing off I could move my feet again and I was feeling a little pain. The nurses got Josh and Jordan ready , by giving them scrubs, booties, and hair nets. They wheeled me into the OR and put me on a new bed. I got strapped into knee length stir-up boots. At that point they asked if some medical students could could observe by that time there was 2 nurses for each baby, the pediatrician, the anaesthesiologist, my doctor, 2 nurses for me, josh and Jordan in the room. So why not, right? The more the merrier. Once things got started I didn't even notice all the people. I pushed through 3 contractions and AJ was born at 4:45 pm. He came out crying at first and then stopped and looked around. They weighed and cleaned him and gave him to Jordan. She was the first to hold him. He weighed 6 lbs 6 oz. Measured 18 1/2 inches long. They brought him to me and I got to hold him for a minute. Both Jordan and I said he looked like his Grandpa Andy. Meanwhile, my Dr. broke my other bag of water. (didn't realize I had one for each baby) He tried to turn Addison. She didn't want to turn. He reached inside and tried to grab her feet and deliver her breech. Couldn't find her feet. They went to get the U/S machine and while they did that she turned and was head down. She had her arm up by her head though. My Dr. reached in and pinched her hand and she moved it and 14 minutes after AJ and after pushing through one contraction, Addison was born at 4:54 pm. She didn't cry. She did a little wine and then didn't cry until the nurses made her cry. She weighed 5 lbs 13 oz. She looked smaller than him. She looked completely different just like Kylee. She had a lot more hair. They were both healthy and stayed in the room with me. AJ had low blood sugar and we gave him some bottles with formula to bring that up. I did good with the babies until the last night. I was so exhausted at 3 am they both ate and started crying. So I did something I have never done before, I sent them to the nursery for 3 hours and got 3 hours of sleep. I was very glad I did. Addison was small enough that they had to do a car seat check on her. They strapped her into her car seat and hooked her up to monitors for an hour and a half. She passed, so we got to take them home with us on Thursday the 9th. My mom had taken the girls down to her house. Josh and I got to have 3 days alone with them. Those days started with driving back to the hospital on Friday for a bellirubin test. They tested poistve for Jaundice. IHC home healthcare brought us out photo therapy beds. While the guy explained how to use them and that the Dr wanted them on them at all times they were not being fed or changed. Sure no problem! I don't think that man has ever had to keep a baby on one of those beds. They had to be naked and strapped into a little sleeping bag thing. It was torture and they hated it. We eventually put blankets on them, also. It was a very long night. They looked like little alien ships. Back the next morning for another Bellirubin test. Where they take blood from their little heels. We had gotten about an hour of sleep and not in a row and AJ's little foot didn't want to bleed well. I lost it and just bawled with him and all the way home from the hospital. So hoping that we were done with those beds. No such luck they had to go back on them. We weren't as good about getting them on but we did. Finally on Monday we got the OK and got rid of those beds. I was thrilled thinking that was the worst thing we could have been through. I was wrong!

Tuesday morning we got a phone call saying my 3 month old Nephew Carter had aspirated on some formula and stopped breathing and was Life Flighted to Primary's. He was put on Life support and put in a coma to keep him still. Of coarse our prayers started right away, but I never thought he would pass away. We talked about him maybe having some brain damage. We got the call on Tuesday evening that his organs had failed and were continuing to fail and there was no brain activity. His mom and dad had decided to take him off life support. They wanted family to be there. Josh had called me to tell me. It was a shock to me, I always thought he would end up fine. I hung up and bawled, I couldn't even tell my mom what was wrong, although she guessed and cried with me. My heart just broke for Sarah, his mom. Josh came home and told the girls. He left to get his 2 brothers that live up here and they went down to the hospital to be there when Carter passed away.
Carter passed away that evening in his loving mom's arms. The next day Jordan asked how Baby Carter was doing and I realized we had not explained things well and had to talk to them again to make them understand that he had passed on. His funeral was on Sat. and I tried to think of ways to go. If we could just get down there I could leave the twins with my mom and attend the burial or just the funeral. We were told not to leave the twins in their car seats for more than 20 minutes. It has been hard to not be there for Sarah and JJ. I think of the littlest things and just break down. I only got to see him twice, but he had the cutest smile and he was a little grunter, just like my AJ. I was so excited that my son would have a cousin so close to his age. They were suppose to be "Best Cousins" as Cass would say. It makes no sense at all to me. I hurt and am heartbroken as a mom and can not imagine what Sarah and JJ are going through. I have been worried about a lot more things with the twins. I am tryng to tell myself not to be. On the other hand, I am counting photo therapy beds, reflux, screaming at night, and all night feedings as blessings. Right now it is the only thing I can do, but I am trying to honor Carter by being a more patient, loving mom. Our prayers go out to his family constantly. We will always love and remember Baby Carter.

Carter John Gardner

Carter John Gardner Our Angel Carter John Gardner, three months and 15 days, passed away on April 14th, 2009 in Salt Lake City, UT.He was born on December 30th, 2008 in Murray, UT to James and Sarah Gardner. Carter has touched so many lives in so little time. He loved to smile and his parents were blessed to have him in their lives. He is our Angel Baby and we will never forget him. He is survived by loving parents James and Sarah Gardner, big brother Hayden Gardner, grandparents John and Julie Gardner and Jim and Rosemary Hanks. Also many great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and friends. He was loved by so many. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, April 18th, 2009 at 2:00 p.m., Lake Hills Mortuary, 10055 S. State in Sandy. In lieu of flowers the family has set up a memorial account in his name at America First Credit Union.

Pictures of the Twins

Addison and AJ

My Handsome boy, AJ, Looks like Grandpa Andy and uncle Trevor

I'm a big sister of my twins


Beautiful Baby sister Addison